ABOUT THE PLEASURE PRINCIPAL
Certified Sex Coach, Advanced Mediator & Conflict Coach,
Certified Yoga Instructor, Family Systems Expert, Ordained Minister
My work is simple: Intimacy. How to have it, how to get it, how to cultivate it, how to rekindle it, and how to allow it to breathe
WHO ARE YOU?
A human seeking help with connection. A man. A woman. A non-binary person. Heterosexual. Lesbian. Gay. Trans. Queer. Asexual. Someone in conflict, either internally or with another. A parent. A couple. A single. A throuple. Poly.
Someone striving to understand Self, in order to understand Other.
My specialty is helping clients uncover the language of love, connection, and conflict. I work with family systems to uncover hidden behaviors that hinder joy and satisfying relationships.
We are raised in a culture that does not have a language for conflict except to be "right," and a culture that drips with images of sex, but still adheres strongly to a Madonna-Whore dichotomy. How on earth do we learn, then, how to have productive dialogue, first within the nuclear family, and then out in the world or with a close connection? How do we learn how to communicate needs or wants or have healthy close relationships that may or may not include sex? How do you understand your need for kinky sex?
In my 25+ years working in developmental psychology, I have witnessed firsthand the trials of the family system, and each adult's contribution to the success or detriment of those systems. There is one main contributor to low subjective well-being: an insecure attachment style and the behavioral adaptations that go along with it. Within dating life, married life, or parenting life, these patterns have a trickle-down effect, and then we pass these traits and traumas to our children.
Men. 75% of my clients are men. Single. Married. Monogamous. Ethically non-monogamous. Unethically non-monogamous. Begrudgingly asexual. Trying to understand themselves. Trying to understand their behaviors or motivations. Trying to be good fathers. Trying to be balanced in work and personal life. Learning about themselves and how their identity was shaped. Learning a new way of Being.
10% of my practice is with couples who want to have better connection, better communication, want to discern the fate of their relationship/marriage, want to uncouple in a healthy way and mediate a parenting plan or property division, or are overcoming unethical non-monogamy or other negative behavior patterns.
Parent-Teen Mediated Conversations are 10% of my practice. These include intact families and teens with parents who have been divorced for a long time. I help families reframe their limiting beliefs, shifts on the developmental life span (for all parties), and deepen intimacy by understanding one another's underlying needs and wants for Self and Other.
Most of the women in my practice are sexually active. Some have low libido. Some don't find their partners attractive anymore. Some are just angry. ALL. THE. TIME. And they don't know why or how they got there. Perimenopausal women seek me out to discuss their changing anatomy and physiological symptoms that their doctors have told them are "just part of the aging process." Attractive single women wonder why they are not getting the love they want. We work on actionable items. Sometimes we simply allow presence in the feeling, something I refer to as "a freeing in BEing."
My basis for working with anyone is an awareness that something in themselves needs to be uncovered and examined in order for their own growth work to expand.
Whether you are coupled, married, or single, getting to know yourself better advances the possibility of more joy, more contentment, and more overall well-being. Every adult was once a child, and not every child got a great upbringing. Some carry low-grade feelings of doubt, anger, shame, or tension throughout adulthood and don't know why. Some want to get married to validate that someone wants them, only to begin a track of degradation and devaluation of that partner immediately following the coupling. Others hope that being "good," "hot," or "GGG" will get the validation they seek from a lover or partner, and have no idea who they are on their own. Others enter into unethical non-monogamy, only later finding out that this is what their father and grandfathers did. Some want to end a legacy of shame. Women wanting Men to change find that they have compromised themselves and that the change begins with them. Some want to have better conversations with their spouse, children, or themselves. Teens seeking more autonomy or a voice with divorced or authoritarian parents seek me out. Parents who think their teen is disrespectful and unruly seek me out. These are individuals in intimate relationship seeking a new language for their changing intimate relationship because growth occurs throughout the lifespan. These are my clients.
I charge $225 per hour, with a discount for weekly clients who pay monthly for a minimum of three months. I do not bill insurance, and I offer a sliding fee scale on a very limited basis (mainly teens and recent graduates). All sex coaching work is clothed, and none of it provides a physical, in-office "happy ending" except that in which you discover that you can begin to integrate the compartmentalized pieces of yourself that have been cast adrift for these last however-many decades. Client confidentiality is of utmost importance and is upheld in all situations with the exception of disclosure of criminal acts or harmful acts to a vulnerable adult or minor. Family mediation notes are collected and shredded at the end of each session. Client notes are not kept, except intake forms,.