© 2023 by The Pleasure Principal

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Amy M. Baker

Intimacy Expert, Sex & Relationship Doula

By appointment only

Seattle: Leschi & Capital Hill

Video sessions worldwide

206/325.5129 ofc

206/753.8676 mbl

Take the first step now.

ALIGNMENT FOR MEN

So you can finally "do it differently"

It can be difficult to talk about you and your needs.

Your need for Time. Your need for Connectedness. Your need for Me-Time.

        Not to mention the unmentionables: erections, desire, fulfillment, rejection, penis size, shame, porn, masturbation…

It’s time to feel whole and integrated, to live without shame, and to find a language for what you want and who you are.

Through our work together, you will develop new beliefs and practices to align. Alignment allows you
        to find pleasure, fulfillment, and a sense of self.

Every man is unique to his experience.

Our work together is to help you identify your needs, desires, and goals, and to then find tangible, actionable ways for you to integrate them.

           Explore the Modalities I use.

SEX COACHING

Sex, sexuality, function, desire, guilt, shame, embodiment, philosophy, addiction, infidelity...
What do YOU need?

CONFLICT INTEGRATION

Function, communication, desire, 
guilt, shame, embodiment, addiction, infidelity...
How do YOU integrate?

Let's work together.

Coaching Topics & Focus Areas

The focus of our work together is as idiosyncratic as you, which is why our first two sessions are designed to gain more insight into you so that you can better identify your needs, desires, and goals, and give me inside knowledge into you.

Asking for What You Want & Dealing with Disappointment

Recondition your framework for asking for what you want. As a society, we are often conditioned to believe that sex is trivial or there is a right way to do it. Women are often taught to be passive, and men are taught to be the initiators. Many believe that if they are not perfect, they do not deserve to ask for what they want. Some people don't know what they want because it has been a kind of taboo to explore it and express it, so they suppress it.

Some areas of focus

  • In dating situations

  • In sexual situations

  • With your partner

  • The new professional paradigm

  • The new family landscape

  • In the wake of #MeToo

Changes Along the Lifespan

The shifting stages of development are so apparent in infancy, toddlerhood, and throughout childhood and adolescence. Then people think they are an adult and spend the rest of their lives "adulting," as if there is a proscribed method for doing so. The truth is, we are shifting throughout our lifespans. And these lifespans are long. We "do relationship" as if once the contract with our partner is set, it is done and never shifts and never needs to be talked about again. 

Guess what? It does. Our bodies change, our minds change, we may feel vulnerable talking about this, yet we need to. To hoard information, even about oneself, is to stop innovating, to stop growing. When we stop sharing but also decide we're comfortable, especially if someone else wants us to share, we die a little death that is not the pretty one that orgasm is. 

Staying in conversation, communication, negotiation, and authentic relating with intimacy helps difficult conversations even as they deepen intimacy. And INTIMACY ALWAYS BEGINS WITH SELF.

Some areas of focus

  • Insatiability & Novelty-seeking: When you can't get enough

  • Potency

  • Desire/Ardency

  • "Proving" prowess

  • Professional focus years

  • "The One"?

  • Negotiating marriage

  • Building a family/Family Years

  • Erectile ability

  • Being denied

  • Desire and ability

Shame

Many men go through their lives with some amount of shame, cloaked in it from their youth, as if it were a foregone conclusion that to be a man means living with some level of shame.

Some areas of focus

  • Penis size

  • Desire

  • Arousal

  • Fluids

  • Family

  • Social spheres (success vs. failure)

  • Professional dominion

Attachment

Many men go through their lives with some amount of shame, cloaked in it from their youth, as if it were a foregone conclusion that to be a man means living with some level of shame.

Some areas of focus

  • What is your adult attachent style?

  • How did your attachment style form?

  • When your lover/partner's attachment style activates your own insecurities

Libido & Desire

Sometimes Men want to talk through their feelings of rejection or embarrassment around desire discrepancy. Sometimes, Men don't want anyone to know how much Sex they are having or want to have, and feel some kind of inner conflict around this. Many of the Men I see find this to be a difficult conversation to have, even with themselves. I'm here to help with the conversation, as well as with those internal negotiations that necessarily must occur, without you feeling judged.

Some areas of focus

  • Resentment

  • Embarrassment

  • When YOU have low desire

  • Non-monogamy & Infidelity

  • Hypersexuality/Sex addiction

Staying Connected for Couples
with Infants & Young Children 

It is hard to fathom how much a baby is going to change your relationship to your partner, and how lonely that can be. Research shows that children fare better on scales related to depression, academic performance, resilience, and adaptability when they grow up in households with two parents (as long as there is not high conflict or violence involved). Being able to offer a stable and loving home environment for children really starts before their birth. How do you maintain communication and deepen intimacy with your partner when you don't even know how to navigate what's going on with you?

Some areas of focus

  • Sleep deprivation

  • Partner resentment

  • Feelings of loss/grief around shifting roles

  • Parenting attitudes, styles, and types

  • Variations in parenting styles that spell trouble

  • Sex deprivation

  • Baby resentment: The little permanent guest(s)

  • Is this really my beautiful life?

Relational Necessities

Understanding your Love Language, how you relate, how you like to be seen, how you like to show your affection frequently have to do with early childhood attachments. Understanding your attachment style, the need for individuation within relationship, and the skills for repair are necessities to every relationship.

Some areas of focus

  • Your Love Language

  • Your partner's Love Language

  • Gottman's 7 Principles

  • Core Identity Work

  • Three Components to Any Relationship

  • Relational doomsday actions

  • The Deepening Wheel

Your Kinks, My Hang-Ups, & Vice Versa

Some like it hot. Some like it a little different. Partnered or not, it can be difficult to bring up the things that really rev you up if you have not a) found your language for it, b) accepted it yourself, or c) have a hang-up that includes shame around it. 

Some areas of focus

  • Kink origin and how to communicate them

  • Fetish origin and how to integrate or shed

  • Fears & Hang-Ups: That Inner Critic

  • Dealing with your partner's kinks, fetishes, and hang-ups

Infidelity & Ethical Non-Monogamy

How to discuss the terms of your relational agreement when someone feels betrayed or someone feels entitled.

Some areas of focus

  • Monogamy principles & beliefs

  • The bidirectional influence of social culture and personal values

  • The ethics of non-monogamy

  • Infidelity: When you or your partner cheats (unethically)

  • Going along with poly to preserve your relationship

  • Attachment work

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Amy Baker, Intimacy Expert

I work on systems of Self.

If you want to:

  • step into your Best Self,

  • have better Connection to yourself & your spouse,

  • be more at peace,

  • know how to better understand Conflict, and

  • have better sex,

 

I can help you.

Schedule a free telephone consult now

In-office, telephone, or video sessions

Locations: Capital Hill or Leschi

Seattle, Washington

info@thepleasureprincipal.org  |  Tel: 206-325-5129

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